May 1, 2012; St. Petersburg, FL, USA; Tampa Bay Rays executive vice president of baseball operations Andrew Friedman talks to the media after signing designator hitter Hideki Matsui (not pictured) to a minor league contract at Tropicana Field. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

The Chaos That Is the MLB Hot Stove

Kevin, I want Justin Upton, but you’re not getting Elvis Andrus or Jurickson Profar. These are my top guys and are a big part of this team’s future. You’re not getting either of them.

Fine, Jon, how about that shortstop Simmons on the Braves?

Sure, one second…Hey, Frank. It’s Jon. Here’s an offer: Mike Olt for Andrelton Simmons. Take it or leave it.

No! Why in the world would I do that trade? Simmons is our stud young shortstop with superb defense and a solid bat, and you want me to trade him for a Double-A third baseman who you only brought up to the big leagues because your team has no depth?

What? It’s not like this is the Mark Teixeira trade or anything.

No. Instead, you’re trying to use me as a pawn for your master plan to acquire Justin Upton, rule the world, and lose the next five World Series.

Fine. Be that way…Kevin, they didn’t bite on Simmons.

OK Jon. Call me when you’re ready to trade Andrus or Profar…Hi, Andrew. How about a trade built around Upton and James Shields?…What? I’ll have to call you back.

Tags: Andrew Friedman Arizona Diamondbacks Atlanta Braves Justin Upton Tampa Bay Rays Texas Rangers

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